reacquainted

Making: scarf bibs for my drooling baby.

Eating: Coconut Greek Yogurt with Granola. Every. Day. 

Drinking: lots of flavored sparkling water.

Reading: A Fault in Our Stars and Bringing up Bebe

Wanting: a pedicure.

Looking: to be inspired.

Playing: lots of Words with Friends. Jake and I are a bit obsessed.

Wasting: bags of spinach. I keep buying them. then I forget about them.

Wishing: I could keep my house clean.

Enjoying: California strawberries

Waiting: for the pools to open! 

Liking: evenings in the park with our new bikes. 

Watching: The Mindy Project 

Loving: on my husband. he's funny and smokin hot. 

Hoping: to get better at doing yoga. this postnatal body is sore and achy. 

Marveling: at how fast graham grows. like a weed, that one. 

Needing: a lifestyle change. diet. exercise. everything. 

Smelling: honestly? maizey's urine. she keeps peeing everywhere. 

Wearing: skirts, shorts, and extra large t shirts. 

Following: lots of whole food recipes, hoping to introduce them to my family. 

Noticing: bruises all over my legs. 

Knowing: family is everything. 

Thinking: about re-learning French. 

Feeling: grateful.

Bookmarking: fresh recipes and fashion.

Opening: tons of amazon deliveries. it's a problem. 

Giggling: at my adorable smiling baby.

Feeling: like myself again. 

idea from thedaybookblog.com

an over tired boy who won't take a pacifier.

motherhood is one hundred times more difficult than I thought it would be.

maybe it's the hours spent consoling an over tired boy who you love so much it hurts, but that fact alone won't help him sleep. and he just screams and falls asleep, then five minutes later he's screaming again.

maybe it's the husband who serves his country and loves his wife but has to leave her for days and days. how I love him for sitting on the phone with me and listening to me sob for an hour because of the over tired boy.

maybe it's because of Christmas and it's the first one I won't spend with my family. I wish I could just drive to my mom's house when husband's away and let her watch over tired boy so I can take a hot bath. then we could all snuggle and watch Christmas Vacation in front of the tree by the fire.

maybe it's the freezing rain that greeted California hours after husband left. ain't no sunshine when he's gone. the chilled air makes my bones ache.

mothers, i applaud you.

tuesday, come faster.

Transition

Greetings from California.

Tonight I won't be posting about Europe or my pregnancy, Shocking...

We've been here off and on about a month now

and at this point I always get verrrry overwhelmed. 

The excitement from "the move" wears off and reality sets in. 

I remember doing this same thing when we got to Oklahoma. 

After weeks of unpacking and settling in you look around and think, 

wow... I'm really here to stay. 

And as much as I love my husband, I start to miss my family and friends.

Meeting people in a new place isn't the easiest. It's the scariest part. 

It's stupid really, because I distinctly remember dreaming of this time, 

my family and I in our home in California... 

but now that it's here all I can think about is the money Air Force owes us 

and the painting that needs to be done before I can start on the nursery

and the fact that we have one car and big utility payments ahead and 

 then the dull aching in my body reminds me that 

our baby could be here in 2.5 MONTHS. 

By now my anxiety capacity has reached it's breaking point. 

The grown up me needs to learn how to deal with this time responsibly 

instead of laying on the couch with ten pillows

watching old Grey's episodes over, and over, and over... 

So this is me, trying to deal with it through writing. 

Powers that be, please calm my nervous heart and give me the mental

stability to enjoy this time of transition. 

There's so many exciting things ahead and although it doesn't feel like it

I will be ready.

Right?

Lets hope so. 

let the rain come down

Its been raining a lot here in Altus. 

Usually I'd open up the windows, light up some candles, 

and enjoy the dreary weather...

but instead it's making me a little crazy. 

I'm having a hard time not having a "home."

When we were getting ready to move here, I thought, 

three months? No problem. 

We've been here a month and I am feeling

very unmotivated and gloomy. 

Today I found this beautiful fashion illustrator via Pinterest. 

Looking at her work reminded me of how much I love to draw, 

so I think I'll bust out the water colors and get some art therapy.

Thanks for the inspiration, Paper Fashion!

A really pointless post after much slumber.

Things that bother me. 


Stupid high school drama that somehow sneaks back into my life. It's a tornado of endless misery. Oh and in case you're wondering Jake and I have a very happy marriage :)

The fact that sugar is bad for me. How can something so good be so unhealthy?

Dry hair and dirty kitchens.

Boys from my high school having babies before me. I never thought they would find a woman that would let them father a child. Mind blown.

Having so many goals and no idea how and when I'll reach them.


Things that make me happy.


Fluffy puppies. Especially when they snuggle.

A cold Arby's Jamocha Shake from my naughty husband. 

American Idol. Just the singers, not the judges.

Hulu Plus on my television, I'm now completely caught up on Nashville.

The fact that I'll be in California in one week looking for homes!

Doomsday

Today I will stay in bed and mourn the loss of a dream...

I always thought it was too good to be true.

But I couldn't help but get my hopes up. 

I reeeally wanted to see what he could do for our country, 

and I guess we'll never know.

I really didn't care too much about our current president 

or politics in general before this election.

But now I must say bitterness and some slight loathing have

crept into this little heart of mine.

The world of politics is like Junior High. It's all a popularity contest.

Hence the reason Brian Warden won student body president.

And without sounding too dramatic, I'm pretty sure its the end of the world.

And no Mom it's not just because "you know who" won...

It's everything. 

But we'll be okay regardless...

 and even though things didn't turn out the way I wanted

 I am soo glad to have it over with!

The stress yesterday was too much,

my face was breaking out like mad.

And now that's it all done...

 I truly truly hope that "you know who" really

steps up and surprises us all.

 

Ten Things

Ten Things (I bet you didn't know) About Jake and Courtney:

1. Jake sleep talks. A lot. One time he dreamt a baby bird had flown into our bed, so he woke up in a crazy rage and killed it. Only there was no baby bird, just a freaked out wife and a clump of sheets...

2. I'm an awful gardener. I blame my mom for this one (sorry mom but you didn't teach me!) or the Okie heat. My herbs are the only plant that survived the summer season. I bought seven. All dead. Sigh.

3. If Jake had his way he would keep the housing at a chilly 68 degrees all day. He loves having the house freezing. It's probably all of those years spent in Utah.

4. I'm a sugar freak. It's a problem. Sugar cereal, Mike and Ikes, baked goods...I'm like a little kid who can't stop. And I think that's why I get migraines. and acne. Well that and stress.

5. Jake hates hot pancakes and hot syrup. He puts his pancakes in the freezer until they're cold enough for his liking. Then he spreads peanut butter on top.

6. I tend to leave things open. Like cabinets, or the gallon of milk in our fridge. Jake and I had many "discussions" about the toothpaste cap when we first got married. So I started buying the kind that has it connected.

7. Jake claps when he's passionate about something. Like when he thinks something's really funny. Or when BYU is about to take the field. It's loud and obnoxious.

8. I am an impatient driver. If you slam on your brakes BEFORE you get in the turning lane... you bother me. If you take two hours to turn at a green light... you bother me. I'm getting bothered even thinking about it.

9. Jake chooses to set his alarm HOURS before he has to get up (I think this is a Kearns thing) He loves waking up and knowing he still has an hour or two to sleep. It seriously stresses me out. Once the second or third snooze goes off I'm wide awake worrying that he's going to be late if he doesn't get out of bed. So now he goes into the extra bedroom after the first alarm to carry out his illogical snoozing.

10. I'm very judgmental when it comes to eyebrows. Dear world of women... stop over-plucking. Go easy with those tweezies. Let them face hairs grow. And I promise it's okay to trim your eyebrows and please pleeease fill them in with pencil with shadow, no one's brows are perfect.

How To Be Fabulous.

A letter to myself...

How to be Fabulous: 

Get up early. Go on a walk in the morning light. Bra-less and without makeup... nothing is quite as peaceful.

Try new things! Eat fresh foods and smoothies. Take time and pleasure in your meals and be creative. Oh, and remember to drink lots and LOTS of water.

Keep a journal, read, and be inspired. You'll be shocked by the things you teach yourself just by writing down your thoughts. Or sketching out your dreams. I sometimes flip back the pages to a year or two before to see how much I've grown. The younger and more dramatic Courtney is rather entertaining.

Exercise and clean to upbeat music. The time will fly by and before you know it, you've lost a few hundred calories and finished all the dishes while dancing. This is my new favorite workout song....
and this...

Take the time to make yourself pretty. Not for anyone else but you. Putting in that extra five minutes to curl my hair and apply eyeshadow boosts your self confidence tenfold. Besides, your husband deserves to see the premarriage face every once in a while! My favorite beauty website is....

Indulge in at least one melodramatic, ridiculous television show a week. Not only is it entertaining but it makes you feel better about your quiet and mellow lifestyle. Some of my favorites are Vampire Diaries, Gossip Girl, Downton Abbey, and Bachelor Pad. To name a few. Don't judge me.

Plan things to do with new friends. I don't care if your single, married and childless (hollah at me one time) or married with five children. You need time with your friends! Set up a play date or book club. Plan a dinner group or game night! It gives you things to look forward to.

Meditate before bed. This is something I always seem to forget. Stretching before I sleep instantly relaxes and takes away all worries. It also keeps one from feeling stiff and sore the next day. I also play "brown noise" on loop while I sleep, it keeps me from thinking about all of the things I didn't do that day and blocks out those loud airplanes and early to work husbands.

Read this whenever you're feeling down and unmotivated!
(photo via )

Wish I didn't

... wrap my hair up in tiny buns to try out a curly new look right before Jacob calls for me to pick him up for work. He usually comes out alone but instead comes out with three of his classmates who glance at me through the window and say, "nice hair." Before I could explain they walk off and I sulk the whole way home.

...run some treats over to our friends, and see a fire next door blazing out of control, I tell Jake to run and help, he sprints over there and finds them siting nearby calmly enjoying their large bonfire looking at him like he's a mad man. Oh sorry... I just thought your house was burning to the ground.

...take my baby friend Kaiden on a walk in his stroller only to run it into the curb six times. Seriously woman, you can drive a car but a strollers got you trippin? At least the baby thought it was pretty funny.

Housewife's Lament

                                                                   Wish I didn't...

 

...honk and roll my eyes at the slow car in front of me, and realize ten seconds later that it was my housing manager who I chatted with five minutes before. So naturally I pretended like I knew it was her the whole time as I drove past her smiling and waving like an idiot. Damn my road rage.

...walk into the kitchen wearing my underwear and notice that the husband left the front door open and my neighbors are staring at me as they come outside. A small yelp escapes from my mouth and I'm forced to hit the floor, hoping they couldn't possibly see me through the glass door. Who goes on family walks this early anyway? Come on!

...go to Walmart while feeling bitter and irrational because thirty minutes later my cart is filled with a caramel chocolate egg, pudding, Fruit Loops, Toaster Strudels, ice cream sandwiches, and Gushers. My name is Courtney Kearns and I'm addicted to sugar.

TMI

Oh Ciz-ort, don't you know tags are for kids? Good thing I am the biggest kid of all...

here are the rules:
1. post these rules.
2. post a photo of yourself and 11 random things.
3. answer the questions set for you in the original post.
4. create 11 new questions and tag people to answer them.
5. go to their blog and tell them they've been tagged.

Get ready.

...My natural hair color is dark murky blonde.

...One time I gave my little sister a bloody nose over a cardboard box conflict.

...I wish I spoke with a British accent and lived in a Jane Austin book or a Downton Abbey mansion.

...Sometimes I kiss my puppy on the mouth. That's right, I'm one of those people.

...I try to plan everything. What my kids will be named. When they'll be born. The order of their birth.

...I'm terrified of my sewing machine.

...If I could relive a year of my life it would be my first year in high school. Life was so simple then.

... I wish I could spend every day at the beach drinking smoothies. Which is why I want to move to California.

...The smell of Tuna makes me gag.

...I am the queen of pranks. Fake blood, Oompa Loompa and wolf masks, toliet paper, window screeching. It gives me a high...

...Airports and politics give me anxiety attacks.

1. My all time favorite song would have to be Getting Into You by Relient K. It makes me feel mushy and youthful.

2. My five favorite celebs would have to be Emma Stone, John Krasinski, Julia Roberts, Adele, and Audrey Hepburn of course.

3. Carolyn and Bart originally wanted to name me Kelsey or Jennifer. Which is way worse than Courtney, but I still wish they would have named me something exotic and mysterious like Cosette or Isabella.

4. My least favorite chore would have to be laundry. Despite my best intentions, my clothes inevitably end up in a pile by my closet every night.

5. My least favorite celeb is Christina Aguilera. Dear X-tina. Your disgusting cleavage and dry bleached hair makes me want to scream and vomit all over my television.

6. The only celebrity I've been compared to is Shannyn Sossamon.

7. If I could choose someone from the Jersey Shore cast to spend the day with, I would simply choose not to. But I'd lay poolside with Khloe or Kourtney Kardashian any day.

8. My most beloved childhood memory would have to be Christmas Eve's spent with family playing White Elephant, going to movies, and sleeping in the Christmas fort.

9. If I could only bring two things on a desert island they would be my husband and my puppy :)

10. Justin Bieber, or Jesse McCartney? Hmmm Jesse McCartney. Reminds me of middle school and Ally.

11. My favorite restaurant would have to be Olive Garden... breadsticks and pasta are my biggest weakness. Plus I have many good memories there, some bad ones too... but mostly good ones :) Firehouse Pizzeria is pretty good too. So is Cafe Rio... ahhh!

Alright people.

1. What's your favorite thing to do on a sunny day?

2. Why do you blog?

3. How do you relieve frustration/anger?

4. Describe your perfect day.

5. What is your dream vacation?

6. What is your dream job?

7. Biggest Pet Peeve?

8. All time favorite TV Show or Movie?

9. Your worst fear?

10. Have you ever stayed in the hospital overnight?

11. Favorite quote. 

I choose.

Lauren Mary.
Allyson Doman.
Shauna Spencer.
Katie Perkes.

Wow. That was a lot of work.

Dear Teenage Me

The other day Jake and I went and saw The Vow. (I know, I have a fantastic husband.) We found it rather fascinating that someone could actually lose years of memory after a brain injury like that. So on the way home we discussed where we would be if we lost five years of memory. I would be eighteen in my last year of high school and Jake would be twenty right in the middle of his mission. It was bizarre to me how much my life has changed since then. It does not seem like five years ago! So then I thought, what would I tell my teenage self...

Dear eighteen-year-old me:

First of all... put down the tweezers. Thick eyebrows are awesome.
Now that we got that out of the way, I just have to tell you how extremely spoiled you are. Wow.
Milk that for all it's worth. Because soon you will be poor. Happy... but poor.
Stay away from the boy with skinny jeans and bracelets... not worth the drama.
Your friends are pretty great too, stop fighting with them over stupid things like boys.
Cherish the time you spend with your family. Having them under one roof is amaaazing.
Don't color your hair and stop shopping at American Eagle and Abercrombie. Not worth the money.
Utah State will be great. Don't worry about living alone, you're going to meet some lovely people.
Oh, and learn to sew and handle money. It will be extremely useful.

Sincerly,
Married and Ten Pounds Bigger Courtney :)

lonely and bored

 How to throw the perfect pity party:

Get yourself some Girl Scout cookies. Samoas if possible.

Then scarf down a couple fruit snacks, some sweet tarts 

and maybe some cookies and cream ice cream.

Turn on some Vampire Diaries and cuddle with a cute puppy.

Happy Moping!

 Naughty Girl in jail. This barking is driving me insane.

Who I'm missing tonight.